why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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