I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
