is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
