look no pants
We named our party play list daddy issues
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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