I accidentally had phone sex last night
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
