Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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