I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
