Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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