Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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