i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
porn star boner night. come get it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
