I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
