Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
