This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
