I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
