The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
