Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
