she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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