you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
