Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
