Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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