I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
