I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
