No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
