I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
