I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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