And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
