you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
