i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You pole danced in your parka.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Randomize
