Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She's the barista slut.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
