That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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