wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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