Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
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