how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Welp...herpes.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
