Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
