I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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