to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
