I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
