i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
