I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
