508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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