I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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