I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
