I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
