I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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