Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
