you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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