I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
