My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
