Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
