Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
